Mike Turner 911: Shitted On 'Em (The Grammy's)

First off, let me state that I did not watch the Grammys. Why would I watch something that does not represent any music that I listen to? Was M.O.P. on there? Did Sean Price did get any props? What about Skyzoo or Torae? Reks put out two dope albums. You're telling me O.C. & Apollo Brown didn't win album of the year? But I seen enough pictures and heard enough news about the shit to tell my side of the story.

I have never been big on award shows. No the Grammys, Source, Vibe, Emmy’s, none of them shits. I mean, who wants to see the “Safe Nigga” win the award every year? So this year for Rap album of the year, the nominees were Nas, Lupe Fiasco, The Roots, Rick Ross, 2 Chainz and the eventually winner, Drake. Okay, first, let me talk about Lupe Fiasco. What the fuck happen to this guy since the original Food & Liquor? Ever since this fool then grew them shitlocks, this guy has been putting out quality of shit. I understand when you go to the Grammys', you want to express yourself, but nigga, put some fucking shoes on. Ass trying to look like the Messiah and shit. I don't even know why he showed up. Your comments towards the president was going to make sure you weren't going to win, homes. Plus, even your dumb looking ass said you weren't going to win. Safe yourself a seat on your couch.

2 Chainz, aka, Tity Boi. When Chainz was known as Tity, I actually liked homeboy, way before Duffle Bag Boy. Even though he was country as hell, when he was down with Luda, I could actually tolerate homeboy. But now?

Now I actually sat down and wasted an hour of my life when I listened to his album. And this is what I thought.

I swear, when I heard this, I thought of slavery. Who let this nigga out the cage, Chris Bridges? Why did you let this boy loose? I heard the most simple ass, A-B-C rhymes I have ever heard in my life. But people love this clown. And when I say clown, I mean that the most nicest way I can say it. Look at this fool. Mutha fucka looks like a cross between Darth Varder and Count Blackula. And you wonder why people say the south is light years behind.

Next up is Nas and the Roots. I would have been happy with either or winning. Actually, I really wouldn't have gave a shit who won because winning these awards actually means nothing. Nas and the Roots have been doing it since the early 90's, both dropping their debuts in '94. (Roots dropped Organix! in '93, but that wasn't on a major label.) Now I will say that out of these two albums, "Life Is Good" and "Undun," I feel Nas should have won. Actually, Nas should have won that and best rap song for "Daughters." But let me make it clear when it comes to both and this is just being honest. Nas keeps getting nominated for his albums because it's to keep the "underground heads" happy. Plus, Nas is still spoken upon because of his past beef with Jay-Z. Everybody knows this was Nas' best album since Stillmatic and with the competition, this was his best shot. But don't worry, Nas, your next album WILL WIN A GRAMMY!!! I promise that. Think about Susan Lucci, Halle Berry and Denzel Washington when they just gave it to people to shut them the hell up. As far as the Roots, they are looked at as them good ol' boys since they are on Jimmy Kimmel. To me, their albums have been average since they got on national television. But I know plan as day both acts knew damn well they didn't have a chance on winning.

I'm not even going to waste a paragraph on Rick Ross. I want to get straight to the winner, DRAKE!!!!! Drake, the light skin guy from Canada. The black man that no white person fears. The acceptable nigga. Let me be frank, fuck Drake. I think he's horrible and with that tough image, I'd smack tears out his eyes, but your not suppose to hit bitches, so maybe I wouldn't. His whole persona and image is fraudulent and there is nothing this guy can rhyme about that would ever make me like him. But for this dude to win best rap album is a disrespect to any rapper who has ever been nominated. But let me tell you why he won. Because they knew this guy wouldn't make a mockery during his acceptance speech. (I'll get to The Dream later.) Now like I said, I didn't watch the show and don't even know if they show rap category's on television anymore. But if he did give an acceptance speech, he will never live this down. (Skip to 1:19)

Now let me talk about other shit about this award show that has me talking. So Frank Ocean won R&B album of the year. Let me be the first or maybe second person to say that homeboy only won because he's gay and announced it. Let's keep it real. No, I didn't listen to his album. I can't. My manhood will not allow me to. And maybe homeboy can sing, but I'll never know. I heard how God awful he was on that bullshit "Watch the Throne" album. And the other nominees were Chris Brown and that other guy. (Miguel and I'm only saying that because he never stood a chance even though he had the best album out the three) Let me make it clear. Chris Brown was nominated because of the ass whooping he gave Rhianna a few years ago. This was the "In Yo Face" award.

Because, nigga, you were not going to win. You got nominated just because they forgave you for embarrassing the show years ago when you beat the breaks of Rhianna. You really think people forgive you for that Ike Turner moment, lil' nigga? Society is never going to forgive, regardless if that big headed bitch is on your arm or not.

Now for the main "Nigga Moment of the Night."

First, Jay-Z, I'm glad you finally decided to dress your age. Now to the Dream. Let me state that you could have a bomb ass 2013, but you will not be allowed in the doors next year for any music award show next year that has less than 10% black people in the crown. You mutha fucking walking stereotype. Why, Dream, why? Why all the Slick Rick gold chains? Why did you bring your ugly ass up there without your glass? Why did you come up there looking like an extra from "Boyz In Da Hood?" I'm glad Shawn made that comment because that was basically him say, "Nigga, you won't embarrass me tonight." Just think if that diva Kanye West was up there. He would have had a skirt on or some leggings and been mad because you would have upped him. Grammy awards, next year, instead of worrying about what women have on, worry about these niggas. (Big difference between black people and niggas)

And with that being said, that is my wrap up on the Grammy awards. I will never waste my time watching this shit because like I said earlier, no one that I listen to is represented. No one. And that's it.
P.S: I'd slide meat up in this chick. Raw!