Tuesday, February 5, 2013

New Black History Legend

It's black history month and I may have found a new legend in the making. I love raw, unapologetic ignorance. And this shit right here caused me to lose about an hour of my life that I will never get back. And this right here is ignorance at its finest.

Now I do not know when this was recorded or what mall it was at in Georgia, but man, I tell you. Look at the niggas walking around inside of the mall. Was this a swap meet? And with all these hard-nose looking negroes in this mall, how come there was only one security guard at the mall’s entrance? Now let me break down the essence of this clip. A loud mouth woman is at the mall with her loud mouth, fat friend and her or their bad ass kids. At the very beginning of the video, you hear the mother yelling at the guard, “You’re not going to be yelling at my mutha fucking kids!” So the woman is saying don’t yell at my kids, but she is cussing this man out in front of the kids. You can hear the guard to tell her to back it up and that right there was the only fair warning I would have gave ol’ girl. Then her friend, Tonya (That’s my standard hood, fat girl name) starts popping shit in front the same little bad looking kids. So while both woman are yelling and cussing, then the little bastards start to pop shit. Now see, they were little kids before they got to running their mouth, but once they got to talking disrespectful, they became little bastards in my eyes. A couple more minutes pass and the arguing between the security guard and women and kids continue. Eventually, the woman puts her hands on the guard and that’s when the comedy really happens. When I tell you this bitch looked like a mannequin when she fell is an understatement. This broad had no movement for about 2 seconds of her life until she hit that concrete. The same little kid who kept yelling “You gay” slightly moved to the right as his momma fell like “Timber!” Not only did this bitch hit the door first, but her ass bouncing against that wall made me think of a pinball machine. All the people who were looking, plus Taywana (Another big girl reference) slowing backed the hell up. Taywana wasn’t saying shit once she saw her friend catch that stun gun. Once the girl who got shocked got up, she then started to play the victim. She looked like she was about to become a murder victim in a horror movie. When I say she slowly backed up and started crying, ah, the tears that were streaming down my face. All of a sudden, Leory, the victim’s husband, comes outside and comes to his wife's defense. Now see, Lester should have commended the guard because I’m sure that if she acts like this in public in front her kids, who knows how she acts like behind closed doors. Antonio then begins to make threats and "I’ll see you after you get off." I’m sure the last bus came at about six, so it would have been impossible for Tony to go on with his threat.

While doing some investigating, I found out the name of this guard. Darien Long, I salute you. Because not only did you make me laugh for over an hour, but you became a Black History Legend in my eyes. My only problem I had is why did you stop with one shock? My first victim would have been the one you got. She came off the rowdiest, so she would have gotten shocked. My second would have been for Tamkeisha. That big, bitch might have had to take two stuns. My third, forth, and fifth would have been for them little bastards. If you’re big enough to call me adult slang, be able to take this adult shock. And my last one would have been for Jerome for stepping in my face.

From what I’ve heard, Darien has several other videos at this ratchet, raggedy ass mall, but I’m only commenting on this one. And if any of those other ones are as funny as this, then I have a few hours I need to put on hold. Because you, sir, should be a wake-up call for any woman who is bold enough to treat men like this. Women need to learn to keep their got damn hands to their self. Now I do not believe in hitting a woman, but that shock might have woken her ass up from thinking about next time acting a fool in public. Others in your area will know not to think about acting a fool when you are around, Mr. Long. So with that being said, I give you a round of applause. People, I hope you laugh as hard as I did. And with volume, its classic. PS, I need to invest in a stun gun.




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