Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Name Game

Williams, Jenkins, Smith, Davis, Brown, Johnson, Jones, Turner, Allen, Jackson, Washington, etc. What do these name have in common? They are typical "Nigga" last names. And when I say "Nigga", I don't mean to sound so mean or negative. But you already know when you see one of these last names, a black person is bound to be coming thru the door.
Now lets talk about last names for a minute and the whole purpose of this blog entry. White people, you won't be spared either. I'm going to get to you guys as well. My ignorance has no color boundary at all. But I'm going to speak about black people first because when I wake up in the morning, adjust my balls and look in the mirror, I see a black man. (A special fuck you to the people for years who ask me if I am sure if I am black.) But on the real, when you see one of these last name, a majority of the time, an application killer first name goes along with it. What is an application killer? An application killer is a name that is going to fuck up you or your kids from getting a job. Let me give you a few first names that are already application killers.
Shawn if it is spelled that way
Any name that starts with La or De and has a full name following it (Example: DeAndre)
Any name that starts with Sha or ends with it
Any name that has Quita somewhere in it or just happens to have qu in the name
Any name where the "Z" replaces the "S" (Example: Jazmine)
Any name that ends with "iara" or "ya"(Examples: Tanya, Toya)
There are several others. You see, black people have a thing with naming their children some names that make you say

Especially if they have one of them "nigga" last names. I remember when I was in school, there was this kid name Jerome Allen. I didn't know him until school. So when the teacher was calling the role and I saw this white kid raise his hand, I was astonished. But he said he went by the name Scott. Smart, smart. He already knew he was doomed with that name. And I'm not talking about it because he was white. He knew plan as day that whenever he filled out an application, a lot of the application would be rejected strictly on his name. There was a woman who I worked with who gave her baby a real elegant name, a name the momma knew damn well did not fit. But the kicker was the last name combination. She already had a "nigga" last name and got married to another "nigga" last and had the nerve to hyphen it. So before, her name was "Sha@# Hopkins" and then it became "Sha@# Hopkins-Brown." The fuck? So she names her kid this elegant first name with that combination of that last name. Picture a person at an interview saying, "Nice to meet you, Olivia. Hopkins-Brown. Hopkins-Brown? What the fuck is this shit?" If it was Olivia and one of the last names, that might be acceptable, but not no combination. The thing is, people, if you already have one of these nigga last names, please, please give your kid a first name that might throw people off. Maybe your great grandparents owned slaves and you could be white with one of these last names. (Think Thomas Jefferson, George Washington) But if you have one of these last names, name your kid something old like Mary or Benjamin. If you take any of the last names and put them with any of them first names, APPLICATION KILLER!

White people, what the fuck is your problem? Naming your kids after comic book characters and dictators? Some poor white trash shit. Did you hear about the couple who named their kids Adolf Hitler Campbell & gave their other kid the middle name of Aryan Nation? Aryan, cool, but Nation killed that whole name. There was a story of parents who named their son Superman, but after the name 4real was rejected. Another dumb ass name I heard that some white people named their kid was "Like" because of the "Like Button" on Facebook. Seriously, what the fuck is your problem, white people. Stop trying to create names. Leave that shit to black people. What happen to the wholesome names like Ann, Beth, Becky, Tod, Tim. The simple 3-5 letter names. I'm pretty sure there is a kid out there who is name Raggedy just because their middle name is either Ann or Andy. Stop with the stupid shit. A few months ago, I met a man whose last name was Dick. Now there is one famous person who I know has Dick as the last name and that is Andy. But this bastard's parents had the nerve to name him Harry. Yep. Harry damn Dick. When he told me his full name, of course I didn't believe him. Me being ignorant and someone who says what is on his mind, of course I called him a damn liar. He showed me his ID and it read "Harry Dick." But he said he went by the name of Jim. Jimmy, dick, okay. Maybe he didn't see it that way, but I sure did.

People, people, people, niggas and poor white trash, all people in general, we need to cut this shit the fuck out. You might think it's cute to name your kid's these names, but in the years to come, these kids are going to have to go to school and most likely, get ridiculed. (Teased for the people who don't know what that means. Hey, I do have an education.) Of course you don't care because you think these names are cute. But for real, they aren't. People, cut that shit out. People who name their kids these names usually look like this.




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