Holiday Season In February????

It’s tax time and you know what that mean; WHEN NIGGAS GO WILD!!! And other races, too. The real first holiday for black people hits the last week of January. That is when people are able to file their taxes and wait impatiently by the mailbox or check their bank account every morning. Some who have the Internet go check their status all the time on the IRS website. Well let me tell you who is tired about hearing about taxes. Me, Mike Turner.

At work, I work with nothing but women. And I tell you, it’s the worst. It could be because they are ugly and not much to look at, but being ugly and messy is a double negative. So I have this one woman who questions me every damn day about MY taxes.

  “You get your money back?” or “Have you checked the website to know when it’s coming?”

I look at her stupidly since I already told her once, “When it comes to my taxes, the money will come when it comes. I’m not tripping.” (Secretly lying because I’mma be debt free, bitch!)

So when it comes to this woman, she was telling me what she was going to do with her money. Now she just got these braces in her mouth and told me how it will cost $2000 to pay them off. Also, mind you I have giving this woman a ride a few times because she shares a car with her husband. Not man, husband. (Story for another time) So let me run down what she told me.

  “Well I need a car, but I’m going to wait on that.”

So I asked, “Well are you going to pay off your braces?”

  “No, not yet.”

So when I heard this horse shit, I ended up walking from out the lunchroom. Now mind you my job is moving at the end of the week and is further out and guess who ain’t given no one no got damn rides? This one right here. Because see, you’ll hope your ass in the front of my car freely, but when it comes to getting your own ride, you want to bull shit. Fuck that shit. I suggest you take that money and make a down payment on a car, but we know how people do when it comes to taxes. That first week when they get their tax money, hair done, nails did, may buy a car or not. If you’re a woman, you start spending money on that raggedy nigga who sits on your couch all day while you work. C’mon. You know who I’m talking about.

You also have them people who are supposed to be broke by the time their tax money hits their account. They have borrowed so much money during the year and their famous saying,

  “I’ll pay you when I get my income taxes.”

So when it’s time to pay, the person who owes you says,

  “I didn’t get anything back.”

Yeah, that’s that Judge Mathis shit right there! Boy, I tell you. And then you have the people who will go to these tax places where the sign reads, “File today and get paid tomorrow!” Now mind you that you are being charged damn near 10% of their check, but you know how people are. You can't tell them shit. Oh, I’m feeling like Uncle Ruckas right now. The other day, I was in the checkout line and this woman out of nowhere asked me if I got my taxes back yet. After I answer, she gave me the run down on how she got her money back already and how she has to deposit this amount of money in her moms account and so on and so on. Then she has the nerve to ask me if I knew where any cash checking places where at because she needed a payday loan. What? First of all, bitch, do I know you to be telling me all this and asking me all that? And if you just got your taxes, why do you need a loan? Niggas, I tell ya.

Now I don’t know how other people act, but I only go on the ones I know or see. People loaning out their kids and asking for a cut of the money. People claiming shit that they know that they don’t have. Niggas, I tell ya. Now when I say niggas, I’m not talking about black people, I’m talking about these ignorant mutha fuckas who you know do this shit. From February to April, let these people live high of that check. From crabs and shrimps with a S back to roman noodles. Hopefully, but I’m doubtful, people will pay off previous bills before they start making new bills. But you know how NIGGAS act.

People, leave your feedback. You can also find me on Facebook or hit me on twitter @MikeTurner911. Peace.

New Black History Legend

It's black history month and I may have found a new legend in the making. I love raw, unapologetic ignorance. And this shit right here caused me to lose about an hour of my life that I will never get back. And this right here is ignorance at its finest.



Now I do not know when this was recorded or what mall it was at in Georgia, but man, I tell you. Look at the niggas walking around inside of the mall. Was this a swap meet? And with all these hard-nose looking negroes in this mall, how come there was only one security guard at the mall’s entrance? Now let me break down the essence of this clip. A loud mouth woman is at the mall with her loud mouth, fat friend and her or their bad ass kids. At the very beginning of the video, you hear the mother yelling at the guard, “You’re not going to be yelling at my mutha fucking kids!” So the woman is saying don’t yell at my kids, but she is cussing this man out in front of the kids. You can hear the guard to tell her to back it up and that right there was the only fair warning I would have gave ol’ girl. Then her friend, Tonya (That’s my standard hood, fat girl name) starts popping shit in front the same little bad looking kids. So while both woman are yelling and cussing, then the little bastards start to pop shit. Now see, they were little kids before they got to running their mouth, but once they got to talking disrespectful, they became little bastards in my eyes. A couple more minutes pass and the arguing between the security guard and women and kids continue. Eventually, the woman puts her hands on the guard and that’s when the comedy really happens. When I tell you this bitch looked like a mannequin when she fell is an understatement. This broad had no movement for about 2 seconds of her life until she hit that concrete. The same little kid who kept yelling “You gay” slightly moved to the right as his momma fell like “Timber!” Not only did this bitch hit the door first, but her ass bouncing against that wall made me think of a pinball machine. All the people who were looking, plus Taywana (Another big girl reference) slowing backed the hell up. Taywana wasn’t saying shit once she saw her friend catch that stun gun. Once the girl who got shocked got up, she then started to play the victim. She looked like she was about to become a murder victim in a horror movie. When I say she slowly backed up and started crying, ah, the tears that were streaming down my face. All of a sudden, Leory, the victim’s husband, comes outside and comes to his wife's defense. Now see, Lester should have commended the guard because I’m sure that if she acts like this in public in front her kids, who knows how she acts like behind closed doors. Antonio then begins to make threats and "I’ll see you after you get off." I’m sure the last bus came at about six, so it would have been impossible for Tony to go on with his threat.

While doing some investigating, I found out the name of this guard. Darien Long, I salute you. Because not only did you make me laugh for over an hour, but you became a Black History Legend in my eyes. My only problem I had is why did you stop with one shock? My first victim would have been the one you got. She came off the rowdiest, so she would have gotten shocked. My second would have been for Tamkeisha. That big, bitch might have had to take two stuns. My third, forth, and fifth would have been for them little bastards. If you’re big enough to call me adult slang, be able to take this adult shock. And my last one would have been for Jerome for stepping in my face.

From what I’ve heard, Darien has several other videos at this ratchet, raggedy ass mall, but I’m only commenting on this one. And if any of those other ones are as funny as this, then I have a few hours I need to put on hold. Because you, sir, should be a wake-up call for any woman who is bold enough to treat men like this. Women need to learn to keep their got damn hands to their self. Now I do not believe in hitting a woman, but that shock might have woken her ass up from thinking about next time acting a fool in public. Others in your area will know not to think about acting a fool when you are around, Mr. Long. So with that being said, I give you a round of applause. People, I hope you laugh as hard as I did. And with volume, its classic. PS, I need to invest in a stun gun.